”Do you think everyone can have a happy relationship?” asked a friend of mine recently. She is someone I have gotten to know through my writing and blogs.
“I’m almost forty and all men I’ve dated so far have been cretins. But I want to be in a relationship.”
She explained to me that she had just ended a relationship with a married man (no judgments here please) who had been promising her for the past five years that he would get a divorce. Yet, it didn’t happen and she ended up alone. Besides, she bitterly admitted that she had “wasted” the past few years with someone who had never taken their relationship seriously.
What is more, not only was this relationship like this, but the one before it was as well… my dear friend was losing her faith.
“Why exactly do you want to be in a relationship?”
“I need someone to love me.”
“What about you? Do you love yourself?”
“Me?” she laughed with bitterness. “How can I love myself? I feel ugly. It’s horrible. I hate everything about myself. I messed up my whole life; how should I love myself? There is nothing to love.”
There is nothing to love?
You are the most important person in your life. How you feel toward yourself, will be reflected in all relationships you will have with the others. If you don’t love yourself, how do you think your relationships will turn out? Unless you love yourself enough—and I’m talking about a pure, genuine love for that amazing person you see every day in the mirror—you will never be able to attract pure love to your life. Remember? Like attracts like.
What shall we do now? Is there a way to fix it?
There is. Never, never, never doubt your ability to change anything in your life at any given moment. That includes your lack of self-love.
Where to begin?
Admit you have an issue to fix. Know – but know, in deep layers of your heart, that the issue is here. That it is (as almost always) coming from within you. That it is (as almost always) created by your mind… And that you can (as always) fix it. Because you know about it. Because you grabbed and will fight it. Because you deserve it.
Spend time alone. To love yourself, you should know yourself first. Sounds easy, but how many of us know who we are? How many of us know how to appreciate our own company? Social media, constant distractions… When was the last time you spent a few moments with you?
Press the pause button. If you have just gotten out of a destructive relationship, the worst thing you can do is run to another one. Your self-esteem is seriously damaged and quite naturally, your self-love may be fractured too for a while. For that reason, do not chase after a relationship. Stay alone for some time, press the pause button. Heal. Learn how to appreciate your own company. You wouldn’t believe how many people run from relationship to relationship just because they are afraid to be alone. The wrong reason my dears. And with most probably even the worse results than those previously.
Raise your vibrations. If you are feeling negative about yourself, the quickest way how to raise your vibrations is to write down a list of everything you like about yourself and your life. No negatives, no complaints. Think about everything you are grateful for and write it down. There will always be something. You might be a good cook for instance or a driver. Whatever it is, however trivial it may look, write it down. Look at it. Contemplate it. And be grateful for it.
Look into the mirror and say you love yourself daily. Look at yourself, the beautiful being you are, and say loudly, “I love you. You are beautiful.” This might feel weird at the beginning, but trust me; nothing works better than affirmations. Even if you begin these affirmations with robotic automation, after a while you find yourself becoming more and more sincere and enthusiastic. You might catch yourself genuinely admiring that being in the mirror after some time. Don’t feel weird for that; it is scientifically proven that a person’s real charisma is not really how a person looks like but they feel about themselves.
The love through all and bad times… You know what love is. You know that if you love someone, you love them through good times and bad times too. You know that it is easy to love when everything is ok. But remember, love gets stronger through bad times, this is when you can test the depth of your feelings. It is the same with self-love. Love yourself more when you mess up – love yourself deeper. When you make a mistake. When you are sweating on an exercise mat or you found a few extra pounds around your waist. Love yourself… Because – how you feel for yourself, is how the people will feel for you. It always begins from within…
You are the most important love in your whole life. You are the most important person in it. It is one of the most difficult relationships you will ever gonna have – the love for yourself… But once you develop it and appreciate yourself, the miracles will begin to happen. And the best part of it?
You will get a much better relationship(s) than you’ve ever dreamed you could:)