“I met an amazing man. In many ways, he is the type of a man my mother would want me to marry,” told me my friend the other day. Her last relationship ended a few months back. She is pretty, adorable and intelligent, yet always somehow attracted to “bad men” type. Now, for the first time in a long time, she met someone who doesn’t fall into a category she used to attract.

“He isn’t an asshole, but he isn’t soft as a piece of a cake, either. He’s intelligent, handsome, well-traveled, and well off. He invited me on several trips. He was on his best behavior: the type of gentleman who opens doors and pulls out chairs. He showed me the new cities and took me to nice places to eat. We ran to our hotel through the rain, and then he massaged my frozen feet. He ran to a grocery store to get me a bottle of my favorite wine,” she continued.

So far, it sounds like a fairy tale, right?

Yes, my friend met an amazing man. But her heartfelt empty. It drives her crazy because she couldn’t help but compare him to a man she had dated before—someone who wasn’t exactly a bad boy but was far from the person her mom would want for her. He was even far from something she would want for herself, but when she was with him, there was an irreplaceable feeling of love and warmth—even though he was wrong for her in so many ways.

Even before she found the courage and broke up with him, she somehow knew that they would never be together. He was far too much like her some time ago: scared to death to commit. It was so painful to let him go. She asked the universe to send her the right one, the one who would pamper, admire, and nourish her. She did a lot of work on herself and acceptance of the whole situation even though it was painful. She was really very honest in the whole process of the breakup toward herself and allowed herself to heal.

“Now”, she told me: “It seems like the universe sent me the one I asked for, yet I feel empty.”

“Why can’t I love him?”

Why is it that I can’t fall in love with the right man? Why am I always attracted to bad boys?

We meet many amazing people along our journeys, but there are not many that capture our hearts.

Why are we attracted to bad boys more than good ones? 

It is all about chemistry. One of the few things in life you cannot manipulate with any force in the universe is the connection between two souls and bodies – let’s call it chemistry. It cannot be explained scientifically, it cannot be analyzed logically, yet we all know what it is and how it presents itself. Chemistry is either there or is not. You really can meet a person that ticks all boxes on your wish list and you will be staring at them dead empty, while on the other side you can get crazy over someone completely “unsuitable.” Don’t fight it and don’t try to find any logical explanation for it. Honor your feelings and listen to your intuition. Maybe the “wrong man” that came into your life can turn into someone who will stay here for longer than you expected. You never know. But the first rule is – accept what you feel and enjoy what you have.

It is about unreachable people and the taste of forbidden fruit. Forbidden things are always better than things that are freely available. Men we label as the “bad boys” are mainly those who are not as emotionally available as the rest, which makes them difficult to get and therefore, attractive. Men are naturally labeled as predators, but let’s face it, ladies, it’s not only men who like to haunt. We also like what we cannot have. That’s why we like—and we will always like—that sort of naughty men more than nice guys. That is until we meet the right one.

Everyone we meet is a reflection of ourselves. Have you ever realized that you like in others what you like in yourself and you dislike the features you dislike in yourself? People enter our lives because we asked the universe for them. They always, always, always reflect something from us. Maybe we are supposed to learn how to deal with certain things rather than run away from them in our own life. That “wrong man” you in love with – what is it that is attracting you so much in them? What is he showing you?

You allowed them to come to your life for a certain reason… Based on the law of attraction, we are in complete control over your own life. Everybody entering our life is there because we allowed them to come. WHY is that, is the question you have to ask yourself. WHAT are they supposed to teach you? Why did your subconscious mind allow them to come and WHAT is it that attracts you so much? Very often, our love affairs with the “wrong people” are coming before the “THE ONE” enters our life. Therefore, if you find yourself in love with anybody who you labeled (which is wrong by the way) to be a “wrong” person, be honest with yourself. Ask yourself all the necessary questions, try to find answers for them. Because, believe me – unless you deal with such situations in your life with decency, they will repeat themselves. (We will talk about patterns in life some other time).

What makes them wrong? Really – why did you label that person you love to be a wrong one? There is no such thing as the right or the wrong person to love. I really think that. People we meet in our lives are always the right people. They come for a purpose (and as we agreed, we allowed them to come)… maybe they came to teach us a lesson, maybe to show us how to be loved, maybe to open our hearts and let us see how deeply we are able to love. Yet, there is no right or wrong person to love. They all should have a place in our hearts regardless of the nature of our relationship status with them. The only really wrong thing to do is to remain with someone who doesn’t share the same values with you and has a completely different approach to life. It is wrong to try to change anybody, attempt to transform them into whatever they are not. The moment you begin to suffer in any relationship, it is mainly because you allowed yourself to stay there for far too long, trying to amend your expectations and put yourself into a role of a victim even though your soul was screaming at you not to do so…But that doesn’t really make that other person wrong – does it? Neither the fact that they didn’t tick all boxes on your Mom’s list – or on your own…

Sometimes, the best relationships are coming unexpected, sweeping us from our feet, let us to fall in love with people we would never expect to, turning our whole world upside down… Yet, this doesn’t make them wrong, neither wrong to love them. And whatever the outcome of that will be, believe me – you will turn one day back and will thank them for that regardless:)

Love who you love, but don’t stay with them if you subconsciously don’t see you two being aligned and you suffer more than are happy. You don’t have to be in a relationship with people to love them. Sometimes, to love someone more, we have to let them go. Don’t try to change people, nobody can do it. Don’t suppress your feelings,  don’t label people with “right” or “wrong”, let them be who they are – and shape as well your relationship with them the way it suits you. YOU ARE IN CONTROL… Listen to your heart. At the end of the day, it is the only voice you should always listen to – the voice of your heart…

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Monika